Well, where do I start! Flood, oh dear Flood!!!! After spending most of the evening drinking two pints for everyone elses one (probably put together!!) and the occassional secret Zambuca (which was initially denied!!) it was inevitable that he would find it hard to last the distance. Sure enough, as the evening drew to a close, so did Flood, and it wasn't long before he was slumped on the seating oblivious to all around him.
My first warning call was when the bouncer came over and shinned a torch in his face! Luckily it was enough to stir him, so I assured the bouncer I'd be taking him home soon, so we got away with strike one!! Not long after he rose to his feet and made a beeline for the toilet (walking like a crab - from side to side!!), unfortunately though I spotted two bouncers flag him and begin to follow him so I took up pursuit too, luckily though they thought he'd gone round to the bar so we lost them!! Upon entering the bog though, it was obvious that Flood was doing some evicting of his own, mainly of his stomach contents!! I picked the lock of his cubicle and was greeted by the immortal line "Can't a man wee in peace?", even though he was stood there with vomit trickling from his nose!!!!! Not long after, the bouncer came in but gave up waiting after a while so we'd got away with strike two!!
Despite all this, I later found a blonde gyrating in my crotch at one point, but ended up speaking to her mates more because they were deeply concerned about their coats, all of which were under the lolling, unconscious, ill-looking Flood!!!! They weren't impressed, that was that!!!!!!!! The real kick in the teeth however, came when I finally got him out of the place (after about 10 minutes of trying to get out of him which coat was his!!) as the illegal mini-cab driver wouldn't have Flood in his car because he was too drunk!! Not even an illegal mini-cab driver would have him in his car, what is that about?!!!! After much pursuasion I managed to get him to take us to Russell Square, although upon arrival Flood couldn't tell us where we were or where he lived so I got the disgruntled driver to drop us somewhere I vaguely recognised and managed to find my way from there. I dumped him in his scratcher, called him a loser and left from there!!!!!
My evening got funnier from there though! I'd noticed centre point in the distance from the mini-cab before so thought I'd head for there and go to the Metro club for a couple of hours as I knew a couple of people that would be there. Now, this isn't a joke but... ...I'd not got far when I came across an Irishman and a Scotsman with 3 boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts, I thought it rude to turn down their offer of a chocolate ring (boom boom!) and got chatting as I walked! It turned out they were over from Ireland for the Arsenal game, had been out, got a bit peckish and decided to buy all the remaining donuts from Sainsburys!! We came across some tables outside a closed pub (I don't know where!!!), decided to sit and chat for a bit (despite it being about -5ºC!!) and continued to offer donuts to passers-by!! At one point, we had 7 or 8 people sat round the table, all strangers to each other, including one homeless woman and a married woman with her husbands friend who was 'looking after her'!!!!!
By 3.30am and after over an hour in the open air, the four of us remaining were debating going to the 'Secrets' strip club!!!! I thought the idea of ending up in a strip club with strangers would be amazing but didn't have the money for £20 a dance so reluctantly decided to continue my journey to Centre Point!! It turned out I'd been going slightly off course anyway so by the time I just stumbled across Tottenham Court Road the Metro club was closed!! Having walked a fair few miles that night I thought what the heck and carried on to Trafalger Square, got the nightbus, fell asleep on it but was luckily awoken by my head connecting with a metal pole, a woman on there with a baby in a rucksack carrying thing, she was falling asleep too, I thought the baby would get crushed, what was she doing on there at 4.30am anyway, had she been out and forgotten she had it on her back, weird detail, I don't know???!!!!
Flood I hate you!! But I wouldn't have had such an interesting evening so you're forgiven!!!!! ;-)
